So it may surprise some of you to hear that I have a Drunk Mate - and by that I mean that most would assume I am the Drunk Mate of the group. This, my friends, is not the case. I have a friend that can only be accurately described as a some mutant from the loins of George Best, that somehow got Superman's liver, with the sheer doggedness of the entire English Rugby team who are trying to out-drink Freddie Flintoff. In short, she's a fucking animal. I literally have no idea how she does it. She actually had a drinking contest with a guy once and he ended up passed out in his own shit and vomit. She was fine, carrying off a relatively normal conversation and made her way home with no fuss or pomp. No need to go hat shopping for that little meeting...
This Drunk Mate invited me out for a spot of dinner one evening which I thought was a very nice offer and I was thrilled she had thought of me. Then I realised that in reality I'm a cynical bitch and she had a Groupon voucher that was about to expire. But it's the thought that counts. She very kindly thought of me after 3 other people told her they were busy. Hurrah!
We went off to Proud Cabaret which, if you haven't been, is one of those dinner/entertainment combos involving a 3 course meal and some burlesque ladies singing/dancing/hula hooping and the like. Now, I'm not really one for all that jazz hands malarky, in fact I am one hundred percent at the other end of the spectrum. I fucking hate it. However, I'd never seen burlesque or actually been to a cabaret show so before dismissing it as total bullshit I thought it only fair I give it a go. Attending the place - not literally giving it a go...
So off we went, and we had a lovely evening. The food was shit by the way - not that this is a blog about food, but I thought you should know. The burlesque ladies were very good, and I highly recommend seeing them. It was a nice venue too, 50's-esque. I'm not a prude or anything, but I do go slightly red in certain circumstances and I thought the show had a very good balance of talent and modesty, but yeah the tits were out.
I'm not really sure where to go with summarising the evening, because (much as I hate to admit it because she is quite literally the most arrogant/conceited person I know, and proud of it!) she is a good mate of mine. She was true to form though and got completely shit faced whilst trying to start some random dancing on what can only be described as an exit corridor with a couple that were very obviously having an affair. You can always tell the people that are having an affair because they are terribly gropey.
I made a sharp exit from this place, with Drunk Mate in tow because The Affair were starting to make eyes at us like we wanted to, ummm, party. No thank you very fucking much you creepy weirdos that are far too old to be grinding like that.
So Drunk Mate, long may the drunken evenings continue. Bravo.
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